spirit within the trees
Annika Harusadangkul
to the spirit in the wooden
lands, i ponder what compelled you
to become a creature of loving
then loathing, you lure
and i succumb to your cruel gestures, the center
of all that has ever been known, overgrown
in a sacred environment filled with hatred.
i am not your spirit,
though i linger around shrubs
hoping you’d realize
one day, i have continued to pour
into a fishnet bowl,
silver linings enmeshed in contempt, guilt.
i will not wilt within the darkening
of your presence but, nang mai,
your spirit i have long idolized
and i aimed not to uproot your bitter
soul from the depths of a disparate hue
through our inability
to resolve the insistent conflict.
if we’d not waited longer to articulate
do you think these roots
would have drowned in resentment
do you think anxieties
would have left
in place of seeking refuge in the leaves
do you think your subconscious
would continuously search for control
that is not yours to hold
to the ghost
in the forest, i wonder whether
the mist, zephyr, stream will return
whether they will nourish instead of punish,
flourishing into dream-like
lilac landscapes
defeated, reality overtakes impossibility,
possessed by spirits
of lies and lack.
lands, i ponder what compelled you
to become a creature of loving
then loathing, you lure
and i succumb to your cruel gestures, the center
of all that has ever been known, overgrown
in a sacred environment filled with hatred.
i am not your spirit,
though i linger around shrubs
hoping you’d realize
one day, i have continued to pour
into a fishnet bowl,
silver linings enmeshed in contempt, guilt.
i will not wilt within the darkening
of your presence but, nang mai,
your spirit i have long idolized
and i aimed not to uproot your bitter
soul from the depths of a disparate hue
through our inability
to resolve the insistent conflict.
if we’d not waited longer to articulate
do you think these roots
would have drowned in resentment
do you think anxieties
would have left
in place of seeking refuge in the leaves
do you think your subconscious
would continuously search for control
that is not yours to hold
to the ghost
in the forest, i wonder whether
the mist, zephyr, stream will return
whether they will nourish instead of punish,
flourishing into dream-like
lilac landscapes
defeated, reality overtakes impossibility,
possessed by spirits
of lies and lack.
as you wander, i float amongst
the weeds, pulling, pulling,
tending to the inconvenience
as they quietly
wither away
—
krasue, disembodied
entity of the star-scattered night
existing without tactility, detached
from reality, from emotion
altogether, for it was far
too terrifying to experience every sensation
all at once
and, now, all at once,
every buried sentiment leaks from the earth
shattering layers of pressurized sediment,
enabling you to feel
again, as they flow and ebb
with the river’s waves
with the wind’s whispers
with your mind’s tsunami of
layered words
and, still,
amidst change and chaos,
spirit meets stillness.
now I plant my feet
into the soil
latched safely,
grounded
onto land.
the weeds, pulling, pulling,
tending to the inconvenience
as they quietly
wither away
—
krasue, disembodied
entity of the star-scattered night
existing without tactility, detached
from reality, from emotion
altogether, for it was far
too terrifying to experience every sensation
all at once
and, now, all at once,
every buried sentiment leaks from the earth
shattering layers of pressurized sediment,
enabling you to feel
again, as they flow and ebb
with the river’s waves
with the wind’s whispers
with your mind’s tsunami of
layered words
and, still,
amidst change and chaos,
spirit meets stillness.
now I plant my feet
into the soil
latched safely,
grounded
onto land.
Annika Harusadangkul, a junior majoring in Environmental Studies and minoring in Linguistics, writes with environment and emotion in mind. She hopes to explore ecopoetics as a form of activism, weaving her passion for environmental communication and conservation into poetry.
